Chasing happiness is a recipe for failure

Chasing happiness is a recipe for failure. Because happiness comes from within.

Some folks believe the next “thing” will finally be the magic solution to overcome unhappiness.

During this chase, they may quit a good job, move away from a supportive community, end a loving relationship, burn bridges with valuable connections, or worse.

All of this, of course, are external factors, masking the real reasons of unhappiness.

However, looking inward is oftentimes painful. So it’s easier to look outward. To blame our external environment for our feelings.

Because when we look inward, we uncover memories of past pain. Of past trauma. Of past hurt. And these memories can create the same (or worse) feelings as the day these events happened.

But the funny thing about our memories is they are usually misremembered, or even false. And without a doubt, they no longer exist.

Nostalgia makes the heart grow fond of our earlier, more simpler times. Even if those events weren’t as rosy and sunny as we may remember.

And conversely, depression distorts our memories in destructive ways we rarely acknowledge. Usually rewriting our history, where good times turn into bad times.

As Lao Tzu once wisely said,

“If you are depressed, you are living in the past.

If you are anxious, you are living in the future.

If you are at peace, you are living in the now.”

Thus, we live in this delicate balance of memories and desires.

We long for our simpler times while hoping the future fantasies come true.

Unfortunately, our fantasies require us to cherry-pick a lifestyle which is unattainable. Fantasies require us to suspend reality and sabotage our present.

And this sabotaging of our present creates this feedback loop of depression and anxiousness.

It’s sad to see these struggles in those we love. We wish we could take their pain as our own. We want to wave a magical wand and make these feelings of unhappiness go away. However, reality isn’t that simple.

Everyone must ultimately find their own happiness by conquering their inner demons. We all must face these battles on a daily basis, whether it’s a minor struggle or a major trauma, the journey towards happiness isn’t easy.

Do I know the roadmap to discover internal happiness? No. But I do know it starts with mindfulness, meditation, and doing our best to live in the now.

Personally, I fall back towards the concepts of Stoicism. That we all must look inward and accept reality as it is, not as we wish it to be. As Marcus Aurelius reminds us:

“You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength… because the happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.”